A structured 12 week pathway

The Repattern Programme

Twelve weeks of structured work on pornography and problematic sexual behaviour, built around what the behaviour is actually doing rather than a promise to make you stop.

Book a free 10 minute callHow I work

What it is

A framework, not a verdict

Most pornography programmes start by deciding you are an addict and work backwards from there. This one does not. The first thing the assessment does is separate two very different situations that look identical from the outside.

One is genuine impaired control: you have tried to stop, repeatedly, and the behaviour keeps overriding the decision, with real costs to your work, your relationships or your health. The other is distress driven mainly by the gap between what you do and what you believe you should do. Both are worth taking seriously. They need completely different work, and treating the second like the first tends to make the shame worse without changing anything.

So the programme is a clinical framework rather than a protocol. The formulation gets revised as we go, because the picture at week one is rarely the picture at week six.

The five tasks

Everything in the twelve weeks serves one of these.

1. Understand

Make the pattern intelligible. What it does, when, and what it is for.

2. Interrupt

Find the earlier points in the sequence where there is still room to move.

3. Tolerate

Build the capacity to feel urges, emotion and arousal without reacting immediately.

4. Replace

Develop responses that fit the actual function the behaviour has been serving.

5. Rebuild

Build sexuality, honesty, relationships, pleasure and ordinary daily life beyond managing pornography. This is the part most approaches skip, and it is the part that decides whether any of it holds.

What the twelve weeks cover

  • Assessment, motivation and a formulation we build together
  • Habit learning, triggers, cue reactivity and the environment around the behaviour
  • Functional analysis: what the behaviour provides, in which specific situations
  • CBT work on permission giving thoughts, predictions and behavioural experiments
  • ACT, mindfulness and urge tolerance
  • A midpoint review, and reformulation if the picture has changed
  • Emotion regulation and replacement responses
  • Shame, identity and accountability
  • Healthy sexuality and sexual wellbeing
  • Partner impact, trust, honesty and intimacy
  • Relapse prevention and high risk planning
  • Maintenance, with a 30, 60 and 90 day plan
Progress is reviewed on functioning and meaningful change, not on attendance or the length of a streak.

Who it suits

  • People who have tried to stop on their own more than once and want something with a shape to it
  • People who want to understand the pattern rather than just suppress it
  • People dealing with the aftermath of a disclosure who need their own work alongside the relationship work

Who it does not

The programme is not right for everyone, and the assessment exists partly to find that out. If what is actually going on is untreated trauma, a significant substance problem, or something that needs medical or psychiatric input first, we deal with that first. Assessment determines the pathway. The pathway does not determine the assessment.

You can also do this work without the programme. Plenty of people see me for ordinary open ended counselling on the same subject and never touch the twelve week structure.

Format

12 weeks
Normally one session a week

Delivered as individual sessions in Takapuna or online. Sessions are charged at the standard individual rate, and the exact shape is agreed at assessment.

Free 10 minute call

See fees, or call 021 0232 4389

Written resources

The programme comes with client workbooks and worksheets I have written, so the work continues between sessions rather than living only in the room.

For partners

Where a partner is affected, the relationship side is treated as real clinical work rather than an afterthought. See couples counselling.

If you need help right now

Counselling appointments are not an emergency service. If you are in danger, or thinking about ending your life, please call 111, or call or text 1737 to speak with a trained counsellor free, any time of day or night.

See the full list of New Zealand crisis lines

Wondering whether the programme is the right fit?

That is what the assessment is for, and the free 10 minute call comes first. If the twelve weeks are not right for you, I will say so.

Book a free 10 minute call Call 021 0232 4389

Counselling and therapy with Kyle Lee, NZAC Provisional Member. In person in Takapuna on Auckland's North Shore, and online across New Zealand.

021 0232 4389
[email protected]

Start here

The first step is a free 10 minute phone call. No cost, no obligation, and no need to explain everything at once.

Book a free call

If you are in crisis, do not wait for an appointment. Call or text 1737 any time to talk with a trained counsellor, or call 111 in an emergency. More options on our crisis support page.

© 2026 Repattern Counselling & Therapy. Kyle Lee, NZAC Provisional Member.